i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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