I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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