That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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