just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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