It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
