Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
