I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
