you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
