Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize