i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
