Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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