oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
