hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
