called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
