I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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