i'm signing you up for texting rehab
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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