Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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