We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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