Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Someone shattered a urinal.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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