i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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