At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
