i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
