Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
