Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
