So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Panties = found
Randomize