I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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