Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
