lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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