Porn is love you can see.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
