I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
