I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
