Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
