I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Randomize