That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
