Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
