I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
