I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize