I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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