My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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