This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
