I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
