I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
is wine microwaveable?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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