Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
