Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
