In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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