dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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