her vagine was all disorganized.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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