The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
