The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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