Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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