You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i believe in u and ur pee
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
