So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
