Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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