I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
