Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize