This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
