Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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