how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dignity is for republicans.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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