Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The uberlube is also flammable
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
