My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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