is your mom at the bar?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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