I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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