do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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