the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
