You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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