you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
